First Proctology Exam
A Guy goes into a proctologist's office for his first exam. The doctor told him to have a seat. In the examination room and that he would be with him in just a few
minutes. When the man sat down and began observing the tools he noticed there were three items on a stand next to the exam table.
A tube of K-Y jelly;
A rubber glove; and
A beer.
When the doctor finally came in the man said, "Look Doc, I'm a little confused. This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for, and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?"
At that the doctor became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door. The doc flung the door open and yelled to his nurse, "Dammit, Helen! I said a BUTT LIGHT."
A tube of K-Y jelly;
A rubber glove; and
A beer.
When the doctor finally came in the man said, "Look Doc, I'm a little confused. This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for, and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?"
At that the doctor became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door. The doc flung the door open and yelled to his nurse, "Dammit, Helen! I said a BUTT LIGHT."
A lady went to a doctor to complain about a pain in her side. He informed her she was suffering from appendicitis and must undergo an operation.
Not quite trusting the doctor, she went to another physician for a second opinion.
This time, the doctor said her gall bladder has to be removed.
Feeling horrified at the diagnosis, the woman told her friend: "I'm returning to my first doctor. I'd rather have appendicitis, than gall bladder removed."
Not quite trusting the doctor, she went to another physician for a second opinion.
This time, the doctor said her gall bladder has to be removed.
Feeling horrified at the diagnosis, the woman told her friend: "I'm returning to my first doctor. I'd rather have appendicitis, than gall bladder removed."
An elderly man was sick and in the hospital. There was this one nurse who drove him crazy because every time she came in, she would talk to him like he was a little child.
She would say in a patronizing voice, "And how are we doing this morning?" or "Are we ready for a bath?"
The man had just had enough! So, one morning at breakfast, he took the apple juice off the tray and put it on his bedside stand. Later that morning, he was given a urine bottle to fill for testing. So, you know where the apple juice went! The same nurse came in a little later, picked up the urine bottle and looked at it.
"My," she said, "it seems we are a little cloudy today!"
At this, the old man snatched the bottle out of her hand, popped off the top and drank it down, saying, "Well, I'll run it through again! Maybe I can filter it better this time. What do you think?" The nurse fainted!
She would say in a patronizing voice, "And how are we doing this morning?" or "Are we ready for a bath?"
The man had just had enough! So, one morning at breakfast, he took the apple juice off the tray and put it on his bedside stand. Later that morning, he was given a urine bottle to fill for testing. So, you know where the apple juice went! The same nurse came in a little later, picked up the urine bottle and looked at it.
"My," she said, "it seems we are a little cloudy today!"
At this, the old man snatched the bottle out of her hand, popped off the top and drank it down, saying, "Well, I'll run it through again! Maybe I can filter it better this time. What do you think?" The nurse fainted!
A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache. Since his operation had been an intestinal one, there was no earthly reason why he should be complaining of a headache.
Finally his nurse, fearing that the man might be suffering from some post-operative shock, spoke to the doctor about it.
The doctor assured the nurse, "Don't worry about a thing. He really does have a bump on his head. About halfway through the operation we ran out of anesthetic."
Finally his nurse, fearing that the man might be suffering from some post-operative shock, spoke to the doctor about it.
The doctor assured the nurse, "Don't worry about a thing. He really does have a bump on his head. About halfway through the operation we ran out of anesthetic."
Santa walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Was I in here last night?"
"You certainly were," replies the bartender.
"And did I spend a lot of money?" Santa asked.
"You spent over Rs. 10000," replies the bartender.
"Thank god for that," says Santa, "I thought I'd wasted it."
"You certainly were," replies the bartender.
"And did I spend a lot of money?" Santa asked.
"You spent over Rs. 10000," replies the bartender.
"Thank god for that," says Santa, "I thought I'd wasted it."
Santa
and Banta, two sky divers having tired of all the ordinary stunts,
decided to set a world record by free falling to within 100 feet of the
ground before opening their chutes.
Having jumped from 8000 feet, the two came plummeting toward the earth.
When this altimeter read 100, Banta shouted to Santa, "Now?"
"No, not now!"
"Now?" Banta screamed at 50 feet.
"Not yet!"
"Come on," Banta shrieked, "it's only ten feet!"
"For God's sake, Banta," Santa yelled, "haven't you ever fallen from ten feet before?"
Having jumped from 8000 feet, the two came plummeting toward the earth.
When this altimeter read 100, Banta shouted to Santa, "Now?"
"No, not now!"
"Now?" Banta screamed at 50 feet.
"Not yet!"
"Come on," Banta shrieked, "it's only ten feet!"
"For God's sake, Banta," Santa yelled, "haven't you ever fallen from ten feet before?"
Santa went to an auction and bid for a parrot. Santa bid 1000 rupees, but someone else bid 2000.
Santa bid 2500 rupees, but someone else bid 3000 Rupees.
Santa bid 3500 rupees, but someone else bid 4000 Rupees.
Santa was determined to buy the bird and put in a final bid of 4500 Rupees. This time there were no other bids and the parrot was sold to Santa.
"That's a lot of money I've paid for this bird," said Santa to the auctioneer. "I hope he can talk."
"Of course he can," replied the auctioneer. "Who do you think was bidding against you?"
Santa bid 2500 rupees, but someone else bid 3000 Rupees.
Santa bid 3500 rupees, but someone else bid 4000 Rupees.
Santa was determined to buy the bird and put in a final bid of 4500 Rupees. This time there were no other bids and the parrot was sold to Santa.
"That's a lot of money I've paid for this bird," said Santa to the auctioneer. "I hope he can talk."
"Of course he can," replied the auctioneer. "Who do you think was bidding against you?"
Santa
goes to the podiatrist with a swollen foot. After a careful
examination, the doctor hands him a pill that looks big enough to choke a
horse.
"I will be right back with some water," the doctor tells him.
The doctor has been gone a while, and Santa is losing his patience. He hobbles outside to the drinking fountain, forces the pill down his throat, and gobbles down water until the pill clears his throat.
Santa then hobbles back into the examining room. Just then the doctor comes back with a bucket of warm water.
"Ok, after the tablet dissolves, soak that foot for about 20 minutes."
"I will be right back with some water," the doctor tells him.
The doctor has been gone a while, and Santa is losing his patience. He hobbles outside to the drinking fountain, forces the pill down his throat, and gobbles down water until the pill clears his throat.
Santa then hobbles back into the examining room. Just then the doctor comes back with a bucket of warm water.
"Ok, after the tablet dissolves, soak that foot for about 20 minutes."
