I went to the doctor, I said, "doctor, I think I'm paranoid"
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I asked my psychiatrist what had made him become a psychiatrist - he said it was the voices in his head! |
A man went to see the doctor.
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A man went to see the doctor.
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I went to the doctor, I said, "doctor, I keep having this dream that I've turned into a pair of curtains". He said, "pull yourself together man!" |
I went to the doctor, I said, "doctor, I think I'm turning invisible". Doctor: "Who said that?" |
A man went to see the doctor.
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A woman went to see the doctor.
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A man went to see the doctor.
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First Proctology Exam
A
Guy goes into a proctologist's office for his first exam. The doctor
told him to have a seat. In the examination room and that he would be
with him in just a few
minutes. When the man sat down and began observing the tools he noticed
there were three items on a stand next to the exam table.
A tube of K-Y jelly;
A rubber glove; and
A beer.
When the doctor finally came in the man said, "Look Doc, I'm a little confused. This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for, and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?"
At that the doctor became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door. The doc flung the door open and yelled to his nurse, "Dammit, Helen! I said a BUTT LIGHT."
A tube of K-Y jelly;
A rubber glove; and
A beer.
When the doctor finally came in the man said, "Look Doc, I'm a little confused. This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for, and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?"
At that the doctor became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door. The doc flung the door open and yelled to his nurse, "Dammit, Helen! I said a BUTT LIGHT."
A
lady went to a doctor to complain about a pain in her side. He informed
her she was suffering from appendicitis and must undergo an operation.
Not quite trusting the doctor, she went to another physician for a second opinion.
This time, the doctor said her gall bladder has to be removed.
Feeling horrified at the diagnosis, the woman told her friend: "I'm returning to my first doctor. I'd rather have appendicitis, than gall bladder removed."
Not quite trusting the doctor, she went to another physician for a second opinion.
This time, the doctor said her gall bladder has to be removed.
Feeling horrified at the diagnosis, the woman told her friend: "I'm returning to my first doctor. I'd rather have appendicitis, than gall bladder removed."
An
elderly man was sick and in the hospital. There was this one nurse who
drove him crazy because every time she came in, she would talk to him
like he was a little child.
She would say in a patronizing voice, "And how are we doing this morning?" or "Are we ready for a bath?"
The man had just had enough! So, one morning at breakfast, he took the apple juice off the tray and put it on his bedside stand. Later that morning, he was given a urine bottle to fill for testing. So, you know where the apple juice went! The same nurse came in a little later, picked up the urine bottle and looked at it.
"My," she said, "it seems we are a little cloudy today!"
At this, the old man snatched the bottle out of her hand, popped off the top and drank it down, saying, "Well, I'll run it through again! Maybe I can filter it better this time. What do you think?" The nurse fainted!
She would say in a patronizing voice, "And how are we doing this morning?" or "Are we ready for a bath?"
The man had just had enough! So, one morning at breakfast, he took the apple juice off the tray and put it on his bedside stand. Later that morning, he was given a urine bottle to fill for testing. So, you know where the apple juice went! The same nurse came in a little later, picked up the urine bottle and looked at it.
"My," she said, "it seems we are a little cloudy today!"
At this, the old man snatched the bottle out of her hand, popped off the top and drank it down, saying, "Well, I'll run it through again! Maybe I can filter it better this time. What do you think?" The nurse fainted!
A
man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept
complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache. Since his
operation had been an intestinal one, there was no earthly reason why he
should be complaining of a headache.
Finally his nurse, fearing that the man might be suffering from some post-operative shock, spoke to the doctor about it.
The doctor assured the nurse, "Don't worry about a thing. He really does have a bump on his head. About halfway through the operation we ran out of anesthetic."
Finally his nurse, fearing that the man might be suffering from some post-operative shock, spoke to the doctor about it.
The doctor assured the nurse, "Don't worry about a thing. He really does have a bump on his head. About halfway through the operation we ran out of anesthetic."
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